How many Links does it take...

Caution: Contents of this post contain mature subject matter and it will, most likely, only go down hill from here.(Oh and there will also be a lot of unnecessary links just to waste your time further). You have been warned!   

And yet, you are still reading aren't you? Naughty... 

Have you noticed how Sexual Innuendo has managed to make it's way into every day life?  Oh, it's subtle to be sure but it's everywhere! Here's a few examples I've run across, I think you'll see what I mean.


As I perused  through the cheese section of QFC I ran across this... and frankly I don't know whether it's a good thing to be Semi-Anything let alone Mild, but since it looked like a personal issue,  I wished Cheddar the best of luck and moved to the Big Cheese section; hey Big is always better than Semi, right?

Don't you love how anything Italicized can become it's own Sexual Innuendo? Wink Wink, Nudge Nudge.



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 My next encounter of the Innuendo kind was at Goodwill.

At first I thought, "huh, that's .... uhhh... unique. Wonder why in the hell someone bought AND took home something that resembles a Rastafarian / Island surfer dude made of wood." Most likely the Fuckleheads were high on maui-wowie and this became their idol to which they would someday hope to be like... yah mahn!

I was checking out the grass hair and skirt when I noticed that, hey wait.  Is that a...Woah, it is! Island boy was sporting an anatomically correct, (but in proportion to 'in-your-dreams-buddy' sized), Woodie... WTF? Yep, there it was dangling in all it's carved glory nestled in the unnaturally colored, faux grass skirt. Well, that explains why the surfer-dudes were idolizing this exceptionally well endowed hunk of tree; what man wouldn't want to hang ten with that arrogant monster swinging in the wind for all to see! Party On Dude, Surf's UP!  Now I know you are looking at the picture, you can't help yourself can you? So in the interest of those of you with delicate sensibilities to wood-porn I broke out photo shop and blurred the proud beast as best I could... yeah, you just looked again didn't you?  Perv!  Thanks Goodwill, you made my day! Man, I really need to stock up on eye bleach.

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Apparently, according to my Aquafresh Extreme Clean toothpaste box, if you brush often enough with their product you too can lick your teeth like a porn star...     

 Or like a porn star actress in a Pear Drops commercial...

Either way, the incredible power of toothpaste will get you a date and/or the possibly of a venereal disease... unless, of course, you  brush with this totally righteous goop! 

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Now that I think about it, this kind of  Innuendo has a past... growing up, I remember watching a commercial on TV that involved a seemingly innocent question from a little boy asking Mr. Owl "how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?"   

Mr. Owl, that smug bastard, promptly snatches the candy from the kid, whips off the wrapper and licks the candy chanting "ah-one! ah-twohoot! ah-three!"...then Crunch the candy is gone. He hands the empty stick back to the kid who scratches his head and lapses into a puzzled silence. Let that be a lesson to you kid, you don't give candy to strangers, especially snotty, perverted Owls with a sir name. Mr. indeed...

See what I mean? These are only a few examples I've found lately... I'm pretty sure if cheese is starting down the road of  Sexual Innuendo other foods and personal hygiene products are soon to follow; those douche bags. Wait... no, just never mind.

So, how many links does it take to get to the end of this post?  The world may never know!


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