Bitch Fest and Naughty Dolls

Did you ever have one of those days, or in my case Weeks, where you feel bitchy for no apparent reason what so ever?  Yeah, you too?  Good, then this blog segment will make perfect sense to you... and if it doesn't then look at the pretty pictures and think of your happy place.

Let the Bitch-Fest begin! 

So, let me start off by saying that I think people who ride their bicycles for the exercise and saving money on gas have the right idea... too bad those who ride their bikes on major roads where cars drive on are about one second away, at any time, from becoming a pile of ouchie!  I'm sure most of the bike riders try to follow the rules, look both ways and try not to challenge the main source of traffic on the roads... you know, Cars.  But there are those who do Not try, even a little, to stay out of death's way and feel it's their right as a self-righteous bike rider to just take their slice of road right out of the middle.  If you are in NY city and are a bike messenger then I can see you weaving in and out of traffic, taking unnecessary risk to deliver that paperwork that will save the world... but this is West Seattle folks and all you look like is an inconsiderate Asshole who rides a bike because you can't afford a car.  It's like we have to baby sit those wanna-be messengers because they can't possibly take responsibility for their irresponsible actions all the while shouting to the world how much right they have to be on the road.  Yes, I agree, and I'm more than willing to share the road if you'd just turn your head once in a while and see if there's a vehicle behind you before you decide to cross the road.  Is it because you are missing a couple wheels on your mode of transportation that you forget how soft and squishy you are?  I don't want to hurt you, much, so please stop trying to be all 'street' about your biking abilities and become aware of your surroundings... and guys, maybe not wear that skin-tight aerodynamic outfit while you ride cause there's just no way not to see your junk anatomy and other bits, (Um, the One exception being the dude who rides the ferry in the morning... you can just keep wearing that gear; you work out don't you? Rowr).

I recently had surgery to remove a uterus harboring a fibroid the size of a grapefruit. It was an interesting experience to be sure and the outcome was successful but it was something I will avoid in the future... while the service was excellent in my overnight stay and the drugs were delicious I just felt it was a little over done with all the tubes, machines and other devices attached to my body.  I prefer a more simple vacation venue, something that involves warm water, a lounge chair and a drink boy named Raul; oh yes, and a side of Percocet. 

I had my first ever tooth extraction a couple weeks ago, after 2 root canals trying to save said extracted tooth.  Yeah, I'm done with having things removed from my body... especially if it involves knives, needles and/or pliers. Big fucking pliers!



Random Warning: 
If you are in your car and you want to pull out in front of me, go for it!  But only if it looks like you have enough time so I don't slam on my brakes and your car is up for major sudden acceleration.  If, however, you pull out in front of me and make me have to break hard and then you go 10 miles under the speed limit you are going to find me so close to your ass that I'm going to be pulling your hair bitch!  Just wait till I go by and then do your 'I think I can, oh I guess I can't' act OK?  Seriously. Or better yet, get a bike... you'll fit right in.




Hi, I'm Scary. Are you my new Mommy? I brought you a present.

Does this doll kind of creep you out a little?  It does me.  She looks like she could suddenly take a deep breath, blink those glassy blue eyes, produce a huge bloody axe hidden in her lacey pink frock and laugh in a maniacal manner while rasping "Here's Johnny!"  What's equally scary is that this doll was gone the next time I went to this store...she either walked away on her own or some poor kid has a new friend and now needs therapy for some reason.






I found Scary's sister Tudey (as in AttiTude) in the goodwill the other day.  Look at her...she's all up in your face like "Oh, what'chu lookin at Huh?  You wanna Go? Huh?  Cause I can Go all day you sorry piece of  thrift shopper! UHN, daz right, I didn't think so!" 

Whew, Tudey is one bad ass baller eh?!  It's got to be the bear necklace... you don't get any badder wearing that kind of bling.

Yes, badder is a word, especially when you wear da bear.

 







Well, I feel better... how about you?  What's sets you off and you wish, just once, you could say it and be heard. Understood and applauded.  To be Right!

I have trouble saying things out loud sometimes because you can't take back words... there is no back button to use and damn if I don't use the Hell out of that back button on the computer.  I suspect if we all had that verbal back button option there'd be a lot more love in this world.  Maybe. It would certainly be more Funner!