Sweet Cape Vibes

For Halloween this year part of my costume included a long black cape, (OK so I glued a picture of Oprah to a paper plate to make my mask and went as 'Phantom of the Oprah' but that's another story). I was commenting to some of my friends how much fun wearing a cape was, how it flowed behind me when I walked, how it made me feel young again and I wondered why we don't wear them anymore. My long time friend Tash pointed out that according to Edna, from the movie The Incredibles, capes are hazardous to superheros; getting sucked into jet engines, snagged on rockets, pulled into a vortex of wind... you know, the usual superhero stuff! Yes, Edna does have a very valid point but there are more dynamics to wearing capes than that... there are a variety of capes and each have a certain Vibe to them that influence not only what others think about you but how you feel about yourself!

For Example:



Feeling a little Fangy? Here's a cape guaranteed to make almost anyone's blood run hot.  You are rockin it Christopher Lee... eat your heart out Edward of Twilight, you glittery bastard!

Hey, Green is the new… Green!

And for those times where you need an accessory that says "And your little dog too!" You know, that accent piece that just begs someone to comment on the broom you rode in on or your  choice of make up color... yeah bitch, I dare you to comment.  Do it. 







 

 

For those special occasions there's even a cape that will make people sit up and take notice! Oh yes they will.

Who looks Fabulous? You do Darling!

But when I think of wearing a cape it's this level of coolness that comes to mind... bad-ass Jedi Warriors; they sure as hell don't have a problem fighting evil with their capes on, hell they even have a hoodie attached!

 Oh Yeah, an Elf with bitchin threads and his bow and arrow… you wanna make fun of his pointy ears and long blond hair?  I didn't think so.

Even kings wear capes … although I'd have chosen a different necklace for that outfit but whatever; I guess when your girlfriend gives you bling you damn well better wear it! (Especially when her cousin is an Elf with a bow and arrow…  Aragorn seems resigned to the emasculating wardrobe malfunction but vows to overcompensate by wearing lots of testosterone-laden leather and armor, with feathers,  for his horse. Rowr!)

Check out this cape!  Only Super Girl could pull this look off. Wait, what do you mean you don't see a cape. It's right there.  It's red...On her shoulder.  No, up higher; yeah, that shoulder.

It's a Light Saber Batman & No,
I'm not happy to see you.

But The Best caped role models, for me, would have to be Batman and Darth Vader… just look at the way their capes flow as they walk, emanating power and kick-ass-ness! Now That's how to wear a Cape! They own wearing a cape with such confidence you naturally surrender to their superior intellect and attitude because their cool factor is above all others. No one could possibly rock a better cape-tude than these guys! 

Well, at least until you see these capes… it's hard to compete with sequins, Right?

Only in the Pacific Northwest...

Preface:  I don’t hate many things in life but there are a few things that, when I do use the word Hate in reference to, I frickin mean it. 

I Hate Slugs.  Those gelatinous blobs of snot have absolutely no reason to exist in this world except, perhaps, as duck food.  Snails are slightly less vile only because they have a shell and don’t expose their entire gooey carcasses for the world to see.  The slime those ghastly gastropods emit only completes my disgust factor…those glistening goo trails that never seem to dissipate brings me full circle as to why I Hate Slugs.  The fact that people actually cook and eat snails, (with butter because, excuse me, it would be so wrong to forget that important dairy product while eating slugs snails!), gags me green.  

Ok, so now that you are intimately aware of my epic issues with the you-know-whats, let me just share this with you:

Only in the Pacific Northwest will you... 

Last week I went out to my car to go to work and there was a huge banana slug On My Car! Like almost to the roof On My Car.  WTF? How?  I mean how does a slug actually climb a car?  I can see starting with a tire but honestly how did that secreting bastard reach the wheel well enough to continue his quest to the top of Mt. Toyota?  (If you aren’t familiar with the Banana slug, they are large and resemble an old, black-spotted banana in a kind I’m-so-not-eating-that-ever kind of way … and then add drippy goop; yeah, sounds tasty doesn’t it? *Shudder* Seriously, I don’t think even the duck would eat that shit).  My guess is that this was a particularly over zealous and vastly directionally challenged slug with a can-do, ( but why?), attitude.  Never the less that slick sucker was stuck to my car and I didn’t have time to cause much violence dislodge it from my car so off I drove to the Ferry.  I don’t know how long it took Sluggy to figure out that no good could come from his current situation and bail but when I got to work he was gone.  I sincerely hope he didn’t decide to make the Ferry his new home… can you imagine one of the workers looking up only to see a huge slug stuck to the side of the wall and thinking “WTF?     How?”

I thought that would be the end of that horrific, random weirdness but I was wrong…

The next morning I go out to my car and see…WTF?!  New slug tracks All Over My Car! I’m saying, allllllll over the car; my car was slug-raped.  GAH!  I can’t tell you how violated I felt on behalf of my poor car, a victim of revenge.  It had to be a relative of Sluggy’s that defiled the innocent paint job on my car… some sick retaliation for doing a drive-by on his banana cousin; that’s the only thing that would explain the colossal ‘Screw You’ messaged slimmed all over My CAR!  Did I mention I really Hate slugs?

I’m not without resources to counteract those who would defile my precious transportation, oh No!  Tonight those depraved fucks are going to have a delicious meal compliments of Bayer Advanced Slug and Snail KILLER; (Safe to use around pets and wildlife) Muwahahahahaaaa! 

If they thought they could take over my ride and gross me green they have another thing coming… Tommy Lee Jones and I have only this to say to them: