Explain to me why...

Forgive me Father for I have been a lazy ass sinned;  it's been over a month since my last blog. 

My mom taught me if I didn't have something nice (or interesting) to say then don't say anything at all.  Of course she also said "Wipe that look off your face, Who do you think you are & if you don't like something then Fix It or shut the hell up!"  And while the first two were no fair because there's no correct way to answer them, (they are trick mom-questions designed to get you into even more trouble), the last one still rings true today... if there's something about your life you don't like then Fix it; do something about it, make it better or really, just shut it! So I did. And you're welcome because I was boring as hell this last month.  Now I'm ready to fix my boring by playing a little game I like to call... "Explain to me WHY?"  For the most part this game involves random bitching about things and people with a few snar-castic observations thrown in for good measure. Oh, and for the record,  I still have nothing nice to say but hey, I didn't always listen to my mom.  

So, Port Orchard, Explain to me WHY ...

 Do you have so many Goddamned speed bumps!  Was there a now-defunct speed bump manufacturing plant I don't know about? Was PO part of a test site for future speed bumps? I mean seriously... why are there such a ridiculous amount of those suckers?  Parking lots, drive ways, random roads; They. Are. Everywhere.  I wonder if there was  such an epidemic of crazy people driving-way-too-fast-where-they-shouldn't that the city had no choice but to bring in the big guns and plant strategic concrete humps to get the point across; or is there a deeper, darker secret.  I speculate that what started off to be a good idea turned into an addiction!  They say they can stop anytime they want to but I don't buy that.  Every time there's a new building, new development or an updated site... what shows up like needle tracks on a junkie's arm; yeah, you know the answer.  I suppose we should be grateful they city didn't decide on the alternate, and ultimately more bad-ass ... the Speed Hole.

Damn, there goes another muffler

 To those who ride their horses on the road, explain to me WHY...

In these socially conscientious times it's become not only a moral obligation but evolved into an industry of products unto itself all catering to ... Picking up your Dog's Shit.  I get it, I do.  I get why we should do that, why it's the right thing to do, the neighborly thing to do; but is it just me or is that too fricking weird? I mean you walk your dog, they poop in the grass and the job is done, end of story.  Ah, but wait, there's more... people are watching you, waiting for you to pull out a plastic baggie, reach down and pick that just-laid land mine up and properly dispose of the offending offal like it was no big deal, like you didn't just Pick. Up. Shit.  I can only imagine how proud the douche bag that first came up with this idea is; now, thanks to him, there are websites specifically designed to sell 'dog poop removal systems' ... I bet he's a CEO of some dog waste company laughing his ass off all the way to the bank.  Why would I assume it's a 'He' you ask?  Because I'm positive the 'Shes' of this nation have other, better things to focus on; like horse shit.

So if we have become so obsessed with keeping our pet's digestive material off the ground and out of site... Horse riders, explain to me why it's OK for your little pony to poop anywhere it wants and you guys just walk away.  Just leave that huge steaming pile on the road without any thought that someone may have to navigate around that smelly crap, that we have to deal with that ginormous poop-mountain as you walk into the sunset without a care in the world.  Why wouldn't you have to get off your high horse, (snick, you knew I'd go for that pun right?), and deal with your pet's 'gifts' like we do?  And don't give me the "dogs eat protein and horses don't" excuse either... you know what I'm talking about and it's not about who's pooh is more or less harmful. It still gets on my car tires, looks ugly on the side of the road, (if we are lucky it on the side), and it  came from Your animal! 

However, I have a solution that should be considered;  in fact it's quite brilliant!

In March Ryan turned 21 and we were surprised, (and very blessed; thank you Rene and Kraig),  to be giving a trip to Vegas to celebrate!  Ry and I got the happy news and 2 days later we were in the air toward warmer, dryer weather....and things like palm trees, ahhh the feel of not having to wear a coat; it felt so good.

Giant alcohol- infused slushies... yep, Vegas has em!

  

We stayed at Planet Hollywood and had the best time sampling different drinks, playing video poker, walking around in 75° weather, meeting up with my Aunt Ruthy and high school friends... even saw Penn and Teller at the Rio!  

Planet Hollywood had a huge mall called the Miracle Mile where you can find all kinds of restaurants, clothing stores, specialty shops and just about anything you'd need to complete your Vegas experience... even their very own strip club... that has strip karaoke; huh, now there's an image I didn't need in my head.

Anyway, during our mall experience we passed a store that sold kids clothing and I noticed that one of the manikins dressed in boy clothing looked oddly out of place... no, not out of place, but something wasn't quite right. Hmmm...  oh Hell, I see it now.  Hey Vegas, explain to me WHY that boy is wearing 3 layers of clothing like he's from the Pacific Northwest.  You are in the Desert and it's almost summer, WTH?  I know what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas but you have gone too far this time.  Too Far!                                Oh, and that hand going all Michael Jackson on his non-existent  junk, yeah that's probably not cool either. Just saying.

On our flight back Ryan's eyes closed for awhile and he exhibited all the signs of someone who had fallen asleep... snoring, slack jaw, rapid eye movement... but it was NOT a nap, no Way!  Ryan considers sleeping during any kind of daylight hours to be a weakness and reference to that will not be tolerated!  So, on our cab ride back from the airport I mentioned his getting a nap in before we landed.  He again snapped at corrected me that he wasn't asleep and it wasn't a damn NAP! I said "Geez dude, we've been partying in Vegas for three days, it's OK to be a little tired!"   In the dark of the cab, rain pouring down on the roof I hear him mutter "That's so weird to hear a mom say that kind of thing."  I, of course, had to remind him... "Yeah, well kid, I've never been a typical mom."  He had no choice but to agree.  He's smart that way! LOL

So raise your glass...or aluminum beer bottle!

While waiting for the elevator to take us downstairs to check out we left someone just starting their adult adventure in Vegas a small  token... I hope Samuel  found a good home, even if he was one bottle short of a six-pack.